The love I ache with,
matching the consistency
of the ocean’s wave.
Peace overtaking my mind,
watching you be the beauty God intended.
Sigh of relief
that life can be
this fulfilling and
full of love.
In my 20s, learning lessons…
The love I ache with,
matching the consistency
of the ocean’s wave.
Peace overtaking my mind,
watching you be the beauty God intended.
Sigh of relief
that life can be
this fulfilling and
full of love.
Dear you,
You are good. Your essence, your being, your instincts provide me with a warmth that I was unsure I could ever feel.
Yet your pain, your experiences of disappointment, your memories of betrayal inhibit the pure joy we can experience with each other.
Being with you is right. Spending time out of my life with you is worth majority of my time. Yet trust is needed to be ourselves within the moments we are in each other’s presence.
You are enough for the presence of my joy.
Release those other thoughts so that our connection can be so powerful that our breaths are taken away.
Know me fully…get to know all of me so you can understand how strong our connection really is.
Admiration is the initial steps, but understanding and acceptance is the key to unlocking the magic we can create.
Secret wishes I’m jotting in hopes the atmosphere solidifies them in our next encounter.
With sincerity,
Your friend
You’ve found shelter in the
depths of my soul
Somehow protected from
the inclement weather from
my clouds of depression
You’re flooding me with love
I’ve needed to end this drought
Never sent for you,
Yet here you are.
My confidant,
My friend,
My soulmate.
Passing through
somebody’s everyday
Exploring what
you might not say
Tears nesting above bags
screaming to be released
Fogginess pressing down my frontal lobe
Hoping to clear with each crash of the ocean
Oh, finally, finally the sun overpowers my worries
Salty air slaps away my frown
Temporary danger to remind me that I’m alive.
Heartbeat pumping in my throat,
Waiting to be replaced with your loving.
Longing for this moment with our names marked on it,
Firmness in every touch to solidify this reality…
Hair pulling, ass grabbing, bite marking…
Exhales with fewer spaces in between to eventually create elongated sigh…
Been waiting to exhale
Burning away the bullshit of life
Discovering life’s beauty
With each lick that shivers your spine.
Kisses, the only currency in our world.
Needs and wants blurring together…
Heat of our bodies creating blurred lines,
No time to feel empty
When your desire is overflowing.
Biting the inside of my lip to bite back my beast.
Anything hard, it’s my mission to make soft.
Anything wet, it’s my job to mop…
Probably causing more mess.
Filth peaks my interest…
The feline in me believing my tongue is cleaning.
Your motives irrelevant
As long as I believe my thirst is quenched.
Never one to beg,
Rarely pleased myself
Yet enjoying each second of the ride.
The more you know me
The less you’ll be aroused
Silence about me is key
To all of our chemistry.
There are holes within me that no man nor woman can fill.
Yet I damn near confuse the heat felt from your love as my completion…
When really what I feel with you is validation for me to repair what I’ve put off.
Your love doesn’t heal me… it doesn’t possess that power to fix me.
No matter how elevated we get in the clouds when we spend time together,
Your intent to save me will never equate to you being my Savior.
I can cry a million tears in your arms,
But those tears will never transform into the living water that heals my soul.
For we are both mortals, intentions pure, but weak with flesh.
Even though you can never save me,
you have that natural power to encourage me…
Encourage me to find the answers within myself to heal…
encourage me to continue to spread the love of God that flows through me…
encourage me to get a step closer on my path of righteousness…
encourage me to repair the patches of my soul,
so that I may receive fulfillment instead of emptiness from leaks.
Really that’s what love is.
Not to fix me.
Not to heal me.
Love is so powerful it encourages me to fix and heal myself.
In a fight to be that somebody for you
Never stopped to think if I even wanted you to be my somebody
The focus always on what you needed
Ignoring what I really needed
More you, not I is what made our we work
A recipe that tasted good to me but had bitter aftertaste
Your satisfaction guaranteed
An IOU, your gift to me
Receipts of genuine admiration
Enough to provide reminiscing sensation
Our memories a treasure that only our minds have the map to
Appreciative of our time even if it came with an expiration date
Knowing there was an end allowed for freedom of self
Not afraid to show you all of me
Just worried which part made you flee
Wish I can send you a survey
So I can learn from my mistakes
Your feedback is always appreciated
The reason I committed
Good souls greeting each other
For a period of time
Cementing memories of lessons and joy
I don’t remember my fall from the tree.
From how my life is looking, I’m confident my fall from the tree embarrassed gravity for not working hard enough.
There’s a day where you wake up and realize that you are just like your parent. You grow up in denial with the fairy tale of thinking you’ll be different, you’ll do this, this, and this, which your parent never did; therefore, you’ve got to be the exception to the “like-mother-like-daughter” and “like-father-like-son” majority. The realization innocently starts… with a subtle notice of your face scrunching up the same way as your mother’s or when you look at the mirror and see your smile favors your father’s in every way. Gradually, you start noticing behavioral similarities, such as how you always laugh to avoid conflict, or how you always expect the worst from others.
When you finally come to grips that becoming your parent is an inevitable part of life, you rationalize that it’s not so bad as long as the negative traits you acquired don’t affect your well being.
Then…you spend your Friday night staring at the bottom of your mason jar, refilling it with some orange juice and Hennessy, tears cascading down your face, because your worst fear is your reality.
You are your parent.
Constant pattern that I’ve noticed of myself is that I always default to assuming the worst. I either think no one loves me, or I think my friends really don’t care about me, they have ulterior motives so that’s the only reason they tolerate me. Or if today was a really good day, something fucked up is definitely about to happen soon.
It’s a nagging pain that I go through on a consistent basis, but I was stopped in my tracks the other day when I finally connected the origin of this behavior to my mother.
That first kiss will let me know…
how deep I can go
where the boundary begins
what to do next.
Lower and lower my touches will go…
Warmer and warmer your body will go…
Closer and closer our vibes will approach…
Louder and louder our moans will grow…
Touches so precious…
Praying feelings don’t fill me
Only satisfaction covering.
Skeptical to approach your thoughts
Rather your body speak
Give your mind a vacation
Allow your soul to be pleased through touch
Right is this moment
Wrong is any analysis
Your touch on my neck
Holding my breath to anticipate what’s next
Love, the silent attendee
Lowkey in the air
Unlocking unknown destination
Releasing irrelevancy
Floating, whispering,
Acknowledging, wimpering,
Validating, submissing,
Time finally captivating
Seeking answers or
Distracting my mental
Either or is a satisfaction
Simply enhancing existence
Look, your time would be better spent with me.
Forget work.
Forget priorities.
Forget obligations.
Forget time, with me.
I know what you need because I need it too.
I know what you like because I like it too.
So come on.
You will be okay.
Spend time with me.
Show me what I see in your eyes.
Do what is in your mind…with me.
(If there were no negative consequences, would you join me without hesitation?)
You would enjoy our time together, which may be your fear.
Sometimes I think you hesitate because you know deep down that you would enjoy yourself in a whole new way if you let go of your inhibitions with me… and that is one of your biggest fears. That is what keeps you up at night. That is what makes you feel guilty even though you haven’t even done anything. The fact that you know this to be true is what keeps you questioning your every action around me.
Well I don’t want to be your source of guilt or restriction…
I want to be your friend in fun.
I want to be your leader of peace…
your explorer of self…
your co-captiain in experiencing joy.