Before the Morality of America Dies in 2020, My Lessons Learned in 2019

DISCLAIMER: Some of these lessons are based on the examination of the behavioral psychology of myself and loved ones. Some of these lessons involve what I’ve learned about big corporations, our society and the media.

Sorry to bother you, but you could change your life by reading this post. I mean this could possibly help you see yourself, people, society, and America for what it is….or you can just think I’m a lunatic with conspiracy theories with no supporting evidence.

All I ask of you as you read this is to have an open mind so that you are now aware of these lessons. What you do with this information after you read it is up to you. Therefore, use this information wisely.

Lesson #1: You can only save yourself.

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I’ve grown up with this belief that having a spouse and finding ‘true love’ will solve my problems. So, I’ve been waiting around yearning to get rescued by someone so they can tell me about myself, solve my problems, and essentially heal me. However, common sense hit me upside my head one day this year and taught me that I need to rescue my own damn self from my problems. I need to depend on myself to tell myself about myself. No one else can tell me about me. I’m the only one who should be doing that. In Mark Manson’s bestselling book “The Subtle Art of Not Giving A F*ck”, he makes a good point that basically says people can’t solve your problems for you; you have to take responsibility for your own shit and figure it out your damn self (of course, I’m paraphrasing but it’s still truth).

Lesson #2: “My biggest enemy is my inner me.”

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Even though my first time hearing this saying was from a contestant on Netflix’s Rhythm & Flow show, it has validity and power to it. My brain, insecurities, and mind are my worst enemies. However, I have the control over them. I have the power to rewire my brain by changing my habits and self talk.

Lesson #3: Our brains are wired by television. 

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This is a bubble that is hard to pop because it means you won’t look at your favorite television show the same. So if you don’t want the happiness you get from a television show to be forever ruined, go ahead and skip to Lesson #4 once you finish this sentence. For those of you who stayed with me, don’t say I didn’t warn you. So think about your favorite American television show or just a television show that you really admire. “Friends”, “Cheers”, “The Boondocks”, “The Simpsons”, “Home Improvement”, “Grey’s Anatomy”, “Full House”, “Big Mouth”, “Star Trek”, “Seinfeld”…..these shows and so many more have a common theme amongst them all. Next time you watch an episode, imagine that the writers are playing a mind game with the actors/actresses. Imagine that the actors/actresses are going through mental hell with their dialogue. Imagine that the executives of the show are trying to send a message to the actors/actresses. Imagine the actors/actresses are trying to send a message to each other, the executives, and us the viewers through the dialogue and tone of voice. Pay attention to the hand movements, facial expressions, and characters they use for certain scenes. Because of this television programming, we haven’t realized that our brains are wired like these tv show scripts to say what we want to say without actually saying what we want to say. But I’ve said too much…

Lesson #4: Confidence is a Leadership Skill

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If you’re not confident in yourself, then people won’t be confident in you. Many researchers will tell you that people gravitate towards leaders with confidence. I mean, think about it. Are you going to get on a plane where the pilot says, “I’m not that great of a pilot”? Do you want the surgeon to operate on you who is not confident in his/her skills? Are you going to follow the orders of a boss who doesn’t believe in their ability to succeed? The answer to all these questions: Fuck No! So if you want to be the leader that you know you can be, then start believing in yourself first so that people start believing in you.

Lesson #5: Keep Your Eye on These Corporations

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Nowadays, power is in data. As a millennial, I’ve been freely giving away my data since I was in middle school. All these online media platforms innocently ask me for my name, birthdate, phone number and interests. Here I am, giving my information away for convenience and the feeling of connection. However, this information is going somewhere. Someone has all of this information. Who? I don’t know. But everything anyone needs to know about me is out there for a large corporation to take advantage of in order to sell my data to a business that wants to advertise to me. Not only that, but isn’t it weird that someone in this world has access to the most intimate parts of my life (i.e. control over my “smart home”, track of my purchasing habits, etc.)

Okay, this is the part where I probably sound paranoid as fuck and could possibly be on the corner yelling about “the man” and how he’s out to get us. I’m aware of this. However, you don’t have to believe me…I just want you to be aware. So here are a list of some companies that you should keep your eye on: Alphabet Inc. (owns alot but mainly Google), General Electric Company (GE), Uber, AT&T, CBS, NBC (maybe part of GE), Time Warner, Viacom, News Corp, Amazon, Netflix, Disney, Verizon Communications, Apple, JP Morgan, Facebook, and Twitter.

Lesson #6: America is the Most Sexually Fueled, yet Sexually Frustrated Society

America has a society where all advertisers know that “sex sells”. Yet, we refuse to have open dialogue and discuss sex in public. We’re prudish about sex but it’s in our faces on  a daily. No wonder America is sexually frustrated. There’s this theory in America that white suburban women have desires of being with a black man for “a sense of danger”. There’s another theory that many men in heterosexual monogamous couples are secretly hiding their desire to be with another man sexually, which is why the face of a woman in a perfume ad is not needed. The idea of being with a woman while seeing the face of a beautiful man is the ultimate guy porn. Or maybe my lack of sexual freedom is causing me to believe such ridiculous theories. Either way, have more consensual sex…it leads to a happier life (and maybe a better America)!

These were some of the major lessons I’ve learned after being an observer of our world in 2019.

I would like to acknowledge the following people, events, and art that contributed to my realizations this year: Jon Stewart, Late Night Show with Stephen Colbert, John Oliver, Dave Chapelle, Jerry Seinfeld, NBC sitcoms, Shonda Rhimes, CBS sitcoms, FOX sitcoms, Fox News, Sorry to Bother You, Netflix writers, my Google Home, Donald J. Trump’s administration, Rachel Maddow, Pod Save America, the censorship of the Federal Communications Commission, Anderson Cooper, Amy Schumer, the laziness and stupidity of society, Brexit, Hindenburg, Germany, the UK, the Cold War, World War II, Ronald Reagan presidency, Richard Nixon’s presidency, behavioral psychology, body language, the manipulation of the English language, greed and corruption of corporations, and the 1st amendment.

To All My Friends

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I feel like I should pre-warn every encounter we have with an apology.

See here’s the thing: I do not like myself. To be honest, I have a deep hatred of myself.

This self-hate didn’t just occur recently. It’s a deep rooted seed that’s been growing in my thoughts since as young as I can remember. It started innocently with myself realizing at a young age that I don’t really have anything important to say, so maybe I should be quiet. I began to not trust that my ideas were of any value. They later morphed into me realizing that I, as a person, don’t have much value.

Once my brain held onto this core belief, the trust issues flourished. I question why people love me. I question why people bother to spend time with me. Since I can’t understand what I like about myself, I damn sure have raised eyebrows to you all who claim to like me when you don’t have to.

The times when my brain’s paranoia breaks down and asks you, “what do you even like about me,” your response is the polar opposite of the perception I have of myself. That’s when my mind tweaks out of control. I feel as though my brain has a malfunction when I hear your response because it’s been telling me for so long how horrible, unimportant, and worthless I am; hearing you, a friend, debunk my perception of myself causes a glitch in my brain trying to make sense of it.

And my preferred response to anyone debunking the perception of my worthlessness includes becoming defensive and proving you wrong. My method of proving you wrong ranges from becoming a selfish brat who has to get her way, to killing the vibe with my silence and not being in the present moment.

I guess it’s how turtles climb in their shell when they feel scared. And yes, hanging out with you scares me.

It scares me because I feel you’re going to finally “come to your senses” and see me how I see myself.

The fear of you seeing me the way I see me is the reason I cry. It’s the reason I begin to distance myself from you. It’s the reason I sometimes do and say asshole shit to you. It’s the reason I can’t sleep most nights.

So, that’s why I’m working on rewiring my brain to see the positive traits of myself and to accept the negative traits of myself but not enlarge them to immense proportions while I work to improve on them.

As I’m working on this, please be patient with me. Remind me to speak up for myself when I trail off when I talk. Let me know when I start becoming a selfish toddler and try to control every thing we watch or do. Call me out on when you feel I am hiding how I feel and think with euphemisms and double entendres. And definitely reassure me that you still love my crazy ass even after I get on your nerves with my weirdness.

I strongly believe I don’t deserve your friendship. But I know that I need your friendship.

Your friendship holds so much value to me. Our friendship is the most valuable thing I have, and I damn sure don’t want to lose it because of a conviction based on deep rooted issues that are based on insecurities in the alternate reality in my head.

Sincerely,

Your friend who’s working on getting better

Slap Away My Distorted Perception

 

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My insecurities have been clouding my perspective for years. 

How I perceive my relationships, my role in others’ lives, and myself in general is distorted by the insecurities that have anchored in my mind. 

The constant belief that no one cares about me…

The comfort I feel from wallowing in my self-pity…

Orchestrating my life so I can be this self-loathing character.

Yeah, I’m so over this mind game I continue to play where I sabotage my happiness. 

Time to reprogram my brain.

Realizing that I’m missing out on truly enjoying my life, my friendships, the beauty of the world all because of emotional scarring…

it’s the biggest slap in the face that needed to happen in order for change to begin.

The Bigger Picture

The bigger picture is…

what keeps you alive.

what keeps you sane(ish).

what makes you laugh in the present.

what contradicts criticism.

the upbeat tempo that moves throughout your body.

the exhalation of your stress.

the rationale of the value of your obstacles.

unable to be seen from your current view.

The bigger picture…

looks different at the best vantage point.

exceeds your imagination’s limits.

breathes in salt water air on the beach while deep in thought.

views a busy city from the top floor.

listens to the ecosystem during a hike in the woods.

watches the stars on the countryside.

The bigger picture is your peace of mind…

disguised as a destination, while needed for the foundation, but only exists through the journey.

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hopeless romantics will understand

Imagine going to bed with someone you can call your best friend.

Imagine the first touch you wake up to is from the person who knows you just as well as, maybe even more than, you know yourself…

The scent that you have become accustomed to that doesn’t belong to you…

Knowing that any dispute or argument you two have doesn’t have an expiration date to the entire relationship that lurks in the shadows…

The safe space to share every weird quirk, or unexplainable boundary that your mind can go, with a person who accepts it and still loves you for it

Someone who understands your worth and treats you how you know you should be treated

Imagine being with someone who respects you to the point where they wouldn’t even dare fathom the thought of disrespecting your time, energy, and being.

Imagine realizing there is someone who exudes the same emotion & energy when a particular song comes on.

Imagine coming home to tell someone about your day everyday…..and they show interest in it…..every day!

Imagine the peace you get with just a warm embrace from the person.

Imagine having someone who can sense your every emotion without you uttering a word.

Imagine being in a room together in silence, and it doesn’t bother either party or mean trouble because THAT’S how comfortable y’all are with each other.

Imagine you can always rely on good conversation whenever y’all speak.

Imagine dying knowing that you’ve lived a life where you found true love.

..

.

Yeah, I can’t imagine it for me, but I do appreciate the fact that there is still a glimmer of hope in my brain that looks forward to the chance of this someday being my reality.